You've Never Stopped Loving Him
by NicoleGoldstein13
Summary: And now we are inches away, but we're miles apart, so I'll dream of the day & how we felt at the start- 10/Sarah Jane;;; The Wedding of Sarah Jane Smith spoilers, & somewhat AU!


**You've Never Stopped Loving Him;;**

"_Stop this wedding now!" A voice that is filled with knowledge, power, and lightly (as well as poorly) concealed anguish shouts into the beautifully decorated room. It's a voice that you would recognize for all of time. It's a voice that can only be described as triumphant trombones and sunsets that always end the best of days. So far, nothing about him has changed, which is relieving as well as discomforting. _

_But you're turning around now to finally match that gorgeous and incredibly handsome face that you remember, to that voice that has never changed. His brown eyes are the first thing you seek out; a warm, chocolate gaze hidden by the terror completely filling his eyes. (Later, after this has all been settled out, you like to think that you can see his eyes eagerly take in your appearance as well.) Unwillingly, but quite zealously, your eyes slide down his face to his lips. His wonderful lips that are looking exceptionally kissable, which immediately obliterates the thought of the man standing next to you. The man that you claim to love with all your heart._

_Honestly, there's never been a man that could ever even think of being in the same league as your_ Doctor.

The Doctor is wearing a blue pinstripe suit, with red trainers, and your heart is impossibly beating even harder since you've merely thought of his lips. There isn't any one single word to describe how extraordinarily _sexy_ he looks in it.

"What?" Shocked, and very confused, you let that word slip from your lips. It's not your most eloquent moment, but it will suffice for the moment.

"I said stop this wedding." The Doctor whispers in a very controlled voice. He's only a few feet away from you, but you don't understand a thing. Why is he destroying your chance of happiness? Why, why, why? But then you remember that he wouldn't do such a thing; he cares about your happiness ten times more than you do, and if he's here, then it must be very important.

Suddenly the world is spinning, and you just want to be in his arms. Everyone shouts at you which makes it very difficult to concentrate on what exactly you should do. But, with super accurate clarity, you can see your Doctor stumbling backwards by the force of winds that are brewing around you. K-9 is going on about… _Something_, and you snap your head towards him.

"Sarah!" The very first man you have ever loved, calls your name while still struggling to get closer to you. You snap your head once more towards him, and the emotions on his face, in his eyes, overwhelm you; Concern, fury, and so many others just jump out at you. "Get away from him!" You look back to Peter, still standing by your side, and you wonder why the Doctor would be telling you this. But, there isn't any doubt in your mind. You trust him. Simple as that.

You're going to listen to him.

Or you would, if not for the horrendously tight grip Peter has on your forearm and wrist.

"No! Peter…" You cry out, desperately trying to pry his hands away from you. To run away, far away, and take Luke with you. Your son is your number one priority, and you're going to make sure that he's safe. Your strength compared to Peter's though, is completely weak and useless. Your dreams of escaping are squashed and you don't know what to do.

"Don't be afraid, Sarah Jane." Peter soothes in a voice that, up until a few minutes ago, had been the best thing that you had heard in quite a long time. "It's the Angel."

The winds become wilder, and then, suddenly in all white, the _Trickster _appears a few feet away from you. The small room echoes with screams that are impossibly loud and deafening.

"The Trickster!"

"Mum! Mum!"

"**SARAH!**" _His _yell is the one that reaches you, amidst the panic of the wedding guests. Really, it's the only voice that you want to hear at a time like this. "Trickster, let her go!" The Doctor is still fighting against the gale force winds, still trying to reach you. He's got this manic desperation in his eyes that make you wonder if he's seen this before; someone he cares deeply for, about to be stolen from him.

"Too late Time Lord." The Trickster rumbles, marching towards you. Despite the confusion, you are boiling a white hot anger that you have not felt in so very long. Below that though, is a despondency you've never felt before. Not even when The Doctor left you, _dumped_ you, in Aberdeen.

"You're mine, Sarah Jane Smith. Mine forever." The Trickster growls _possessively _while standing over your head. He touches your shoulder with a loving caress that makes you shudder like a loose leaf blowing in the wind. Peter still has that firm grip on you, and you can't escape. You look over to the Doctor, pleading with your eyes for him to please save you.

"Sarah!" He takes a step forward as you can feel the monsoon tighten considerably around the three of you. It's getting harder to breathe, but your eyes flash towards the Doctor.

"Doctor!" You use the rest of your breath to shout his name, while reaching for his hand. Your wedding dress gracefully twirls around your heels, and you can feel yourself retreating into a safe place in your head. You want to stay though. You want to feel _his _arms around you, and you want Luke to be saying 'Mum, I love you!' with every breath that he has. You can't leave the people you love the most… You can't…

Everything recedes into darkness.

* * *

><p>You have a terrible headache when you first stir awake. The light is searing through your eyelids, and you have no desire to open them. But, you're on an uncomfortably hard surface, and the first thought running through your head is; <em>I've got to save the world.<em>

Your eyes flitter open, and you can see that you're inside a really posh room, and everything feels _off_. Besides, your arms are covered by white gloves, and instead of jeans, you can feel legs covered by a long skirt.

"What happened?" You ask the surrounding silence. Suddenly a man with graying hair, and wearing a dashing tuxedo, is grabbing your hand to help you up off of the ground. You remember bits and pieces. You were getting married to Peter at a hotel in the country, and you had your friends and family with you.

"Don't worry, Sarah Jane." Peter gently whispers to you. You already are worrying, though, so you ignore his advice.

"Peter, what's going on? Where is everybody?" You ask, because you still don't have any real clue as to what is going on. It's disorienting to be standing up, but you push it aside, and start to piece the puzzle together. You were surrounded by people, then there was a flash? No… A stir of wind? Yes…

"Everything is going to be fine." Peter assures you. But you don't give his words any thought, because the answer to all of this is on the tip of your tongue.

Every trace you have disappears from your head.

"We're about to be married. This is our perfect day."

One missing piece suddenly snaps into your head with perfect clarity. A man. A man with gravity defying hair, and glasses that adorn his face when he is inspecting something closely.

"Another man." You whisper to Peter. "The Doctor?" You glance away from your finance and peer around the room, looking for indicators that he was there. You don't find anything other than the fact that the room is too bright. The fog in your head becomes much thicker, and is starting to make even thinking hurt. A voice that sounds so very much like a young girl with determination ringing throughout yells at you,

"_Sarah Jane! You have to snap out of it!_" It's puzzling to say the least. You want to say that it's Rani… But the face that comes to mind when you think of that voice is younger, more carefree, more passionate. She has a smile that always light's up Luke's face, and makes Clyde's personality shape into a big brother. _Maria_.

"Sarah Jane, please listen to me." Peter snaps you out of your almost break through moment. You look towards him. "All you have to say is "I do."" He holds up a ring to your eye level. It's pretty, but ostentatious. It captures the light just right…

"_Don't do it, Sarah Jane!_" Maria shouts at you, worsening your headache from earlier.

"And then we'll be together." Peter smiles with a smile that's heartbreakingly cute. It works on him, though. When you blink though, there's an image that is burned into your mind waiting to attack you. You let it overtake you. It's your Doctor when you first met him after all those years; he's so young, and he's got on a grin that lights up the entire world. It's directed at Rose (which doesn't make you shake with jealousy), of course, but it's still the first grin that you've seen that makes you think that the fourth cycle of him still lives on.

Your mind can't put any more thoughts together. Not right now.

"I'm so confused." You take your hand out of his, and walk away from him to sit on one of the chairs. It doesn't surprise you when he follows you. You turn around though, to tell him that you need some space, when you recall the unusual brightness.

"What's happened? Where are we?" You ask urgently, maybe even a a tad hysterically, waiting for the answer that you need. Peter's gaze follows yours' to the window, and then focus back on you.

"You don't understand! Just say you'll marry me, say "I do."" He pleads in a soft, convincing voice that just urges you to listen to him.

So you do.

"Of course we're getting married." You whisper, a smile deep in your voice.

"_Sarah Jane! Please! Listen to me!_" Maria yells at you once more. You shake it away, because you love Peter with all of your heart. But then flashes of a man grinning at you, calling "Sarah!", grabbing your hand to hold, is running on repeat throughout your head. They unnerve you more than Maria's desperate warnings have.

"Another man. Always." You blink your eyes shut, allowing the memories of a familiar unnamed man take you away. _Doctor_. That's it. That's the name for this man that you have loved since you were a teenager. Since you've saved the world from Davros and the Daleks once more. _Who was at your wedding with the other guests._ "The Doctor. Where's the Doctor?" You look over your left shoulder, running towards the doors. "Doctor!" Sheer terror is pulsing through your veins…

No it's not. You're perfectly fine.

"_Look at the ring on your hand Sarah Jane!_" Maria shouts, mentally jumping up and down, pointing at your hand. You listen to her. The ring Peter had given you is glowing a bright candy apple red. Shock, and terror, flood back into your head. The headache breaks, as well as the dizziness that has been plaguing you since you've woken up. It's all coming back; The wedding, the Doctor interrupting, the Trickster transporting you away from your Doctor.

"No." You pull the ring off with incredible force, ignoring the waves of make believe happiness coming from it. "_No_!" You throw it into the farthest corner of the room. White hot anger overruns the terror you felt earlier, and you just want to _punch_ something. Which is totally not like you.

"The moment you put that ring on my finger, I was your puppet!" Oddly enough, you don't remember any of the past few days before you arrived at this hotel.

"It isn't like that. It was in case something went wrong. The Angel said that people would try and stop us being happy. Listen… I'll explain." Peter takes a few steps towards you, obviously eager to make things right between the two of you once more. There's only one part of his speech that sounds bonkers.

"The Angel?" You question, feeling your face contort into an expression of confusion. Then, just like remembering the Doctor, it clicks into place. "Of course. I saw him. The Trickster!" You give it a moment's thought to make sure everything makes sense. It does. You start to run away in your heels towards the doors… Away from him.

"Sarah Jane?" Peter calls out to you, but after one last look, you're gone.

* * *

><p>You're running throughout halls that are unfamiliar to you. In heels. It doesn't really affect your running performance anymore, but it sure does make it uncomfortable. The posh halls aren't very complicated to navigate, and you are completely on your own here.<p>

"Doctor! Where _are_ you?" You shout out, anxious to hear him say "allons-y Sarah!" or _something_. You walk through the lobby, aimlessly, looking for something helpful.

"Doctor!" You call out once more. Silence. You're probably leading Peter right to you, but you don't care about that. He can't harm you, so you hope. You throw open the front doors, seeing if there are any escape routes you can use.

The doors lead into a blank white terrain. Typical Trickster territory. You slam the doors close, it's pointless really, but it feels fantastic to do. A real stress reliever during this time that helps calm your nervous head down. You walk back into the lobby, hearing footsteps approach.

"Sarah Jane, I want to tell you about the Angel." Peter stops at least fifteen away in front of you. He's so calm about all of this, and you're the complete opposite.

"Doctor!" You yell frantically, hoping to get some sort of response. As you take one step forward, you notice a flickering to your right. The screen is in a constant loop. You know enough about time to make an educated guess. "A time trap." You sigh in exasperation and spare a glance for Peter, before quickly jogging up the stairs. "Doctor!" You're repeating yourself now, but you don't really care if you sound like a crazy woman anymore. You _need _him, more than ever.

You open the doors that are closest to you… You're suddenly back in the room where the wedding was to be held at. _On the first floor_. You're definitely bewildered, but it also proves the fact that you're trapped here.

"It's not possible."

"We can't run away, Sarah Jane."

"The one time I fall in love, the one time everything goes right, and it's a trap. I thought I loved you." You tell Peter bluntly, because it hurts less if you keep moving forward. Besides, you'll always be in love with the Doctor, and that also makes this deceit seem less real. "But you aren't even real!" You lash out at Peter, venting your frustration, pain, and hysterics at him.

"You do love me!" Peter declares. "I'm here, flesh and blood." He walks closer towards you, holding his arms out in a sign of honesty maybe? You're not sure.

"Oh yes?" You're skeptical, it's obvious in your voice. "And I was worried about my secrets. Well, it turned out you were hiding something pretty big, weren't you?" Your feet are moving on their own, it seems, because you're coming up the aisle to meet him. His eyes are clear and honest. Peter's also still holding the wedding ring.

"I only kept one secret. I knew you wouldn't believe me, you'd think I was mad. That's why I never told you about the Angel."

"The Angel! That's what you call him." Your voice portrays the disbelief you're feeling. "But he… It… It's a creature, an alien being!" Shockingly, you don't sound like someone who has always defended aliens from the human race. You're encouraging Peter to hate the Trickster, to turn his back on the alien. And you don't feel bad about it.

"Please, listen, I'll tell you everything. Please?" His voice is confident, calm, and steady. He's lowering your defenses, telling you to trust him. You don't want to say anything, so you don't. "A few months ago, I was working from home. Had a stupid accident. Fell down the stairs. I thought I was going to die. Then _he _appeared."

You don't let your face betray any emotion (the sadness that is tugging at your heart, for example.) but you're putting all the pieces together. He's using Peter against you for some reason.

"Then you are real." You whisper, finally letting some of your sadness trickle into your words. "Oh, Peter. He tricked you." You hate yourself fully at the moment. You don't want to tell him this news, because he's so sweet but… At the same time, he's a naïve little kid who never grew up. It's not his fault, he's just never been involved with alien trickery like you have.

"No!" His eyes are suddenly defensive, and if you're looking correctly, there's a huge amount of denial hiding in his eyes as well. "He found you for me. He wanted us to be happy." This is like a teaching Luke about the world moment for you; Peter has to told gently about why this is all a huge lie.

"Then why the ring? Why hypnotize me?" You softly ask Peter the rhetorical questions, knowing full well that he doesn't have the true answers.

"He said it would protect you." You don't know how to fight that logic. Peter doesn't even give you the time to construct an argument with him. "You accepted my proposal before the ring went on, you said you loved me before the ring went on. Didn't you love me? Didn't you mean it?"

Peter's questions are stabbing new wounds into your bruised heart. There are a trail of cold tears running down your face. This pain, this is what you had been hoping to avoid. But,

"Oh, Peter." Slips from your mouth, and you're moving closer towards him while reaching out for him at the same time. Peter understands, and pulls you in tightly for the hug that you need. It's a bittersweet hug though, because while it comforts, you can feel the undeniable truth lurking behind it. The shadows you've been harboring from him are too much for you to bear now. You have to be completely honest with him.

You slide out from his arms, and lead him to the chairs that have been vacated by your friends. The words leave your mouth with no prompting, and you can see him become more incredulous by the word. It's so difficult, because he once said on the second date, that he would believe her about anything without a doubt. You smile a sad smile to him, while getting up from the chair,

"I'll show you what he is. Trickster!" Your voice is no longer hysteric. It's merely angst-ridden, and totally devoid of the loving life spirit you've been known to possess. "_Trickster_!" You shout a little louder, the tiniest bit more anger carrying throughout the word.

Growling alerts you to his presence, and you turn around to meet the alien who has ruined your life more times than you can count (the Doctor tells you later that you always exaggerate in times of stress. Also because you're a journalist. Which is total rubbish.) The Trickster is in all white still, which makes him even creepier than the other times you have faced him head on.

"Sarah Jane Smith."

"Why have you done this? What do you want?" You're so tired of playing games with this alien. You can feel Peter's warmth radiating a few feet away from you. Which is reassuring, but you'd prefer the man who would be facing this alien head on with you, holding your hand in case you need to run away at a moment's notice. You don't though, so you march forwards, head held up bravely, with your hands in fists at your sides.

"I want you to be happy." Your pseudo-confidence and mock bravery somewhat deflate at that statement. The Trickster has thrown you for a loop, and you've got no way to solve his riddle at the moment.

"You want us to get married." You pause for dramatic effect, and it mildly occurs to you that the Doctor's personality has rubbed off on you. "And then what?"

"You will forget all that has happened here, as though it has never been. And then, here is the life you will lead." For a second, you're bewildered by that. Just a second, though. Because then your vision swims and fades to black before transforming into the colors of your world. It's like you're looking through a professional movie camera that is trained to pick up on all the details.

Rice is being thrown over your heads, while someone shouts out "Mr. and Mrs. Dalton!" You, or Peter, leans in for the kiss that you have been waiting for since he had asked you to be his wife. A camera flashes, and leads you into a new scene of your new life.

Walking up the stairs from the kitchen, with two cups of tea in your hands, you're the happiest you've ever been. Maria has been visiting, and just yesterday Luke asked her out on a date. That's also the day that you found out that you were pregnant with Peter's child. You get to be a mum all over again. You reach the attic, where Peter has been cleaning all day long. Scrubbing the floors down, dusting, the whole shebang. You both had been playing for an office, soon you'll get to tell him that it will be a nursery.

"All done?" You ask, a smile tugging at the corners of your lips.

"I finally got all the junk cleared out." He answers, intent on finishing sweeping the last bit of the floor before facing you. It is adorable that while working hard, he's wearing his favorite sweater, the one you had knitted for him years ago.

"Right. Decorator's due on Monday." You smile, passing him his cup. "Turn this into a proper little office." Your smile grows wider, and before Peter can ask you what you're so smiley about, your vision turns into a startling black.

You're back into reality.

The first thing you want to do is to burst into sobs that wrack your body, and exhaust you until you fall asleep. You can feel the absence of happiness that had been growing inside you, and you will forever mourn his or her loss. Then you want to scream at both of the people inside this room; the Trickster first, for playing with you once again, and then Peter for falling down those stairs. What you really do is blink yourself back into what was happening, and file away the sadness for another time.

"I will bring you happiness." The Trickster says, showing off his teeth in a terrible parody of a smile. That happiness is calling your name, you want it so badly.

"_Don't give in, Sarah Jane_!" The Maria inside your head had been silent for a long while, and it's shocking really to hear her speak up once again. You don't want to listen though…

"But what's the price? There's got to be a catch. With you there always is!" You yell in desperation, trying to make the right decision. Anxious to make sure that you've received all the information you can.

"Sarah Jane…" Peter calls your name, and you can hear his footsteps come closer towards you. You don't turn around to face him though because he's standing besides the Trickster. Oh, it's fitting to see the human, the good guy, head to toe in black (the true color of lightness) but be used as the villain; while the alien, the bad guy, dressed in white (the true color of darkness) and try to be seen as the hero. "…All you have to say is "I do.""

"And if you don't, you will remain here forever." The Trickster impatiently adds to the ultimatum at the end of Peter's very subtle demand. All of the confusion you've had since you've waken up here comes back with a force of it's own, and you, Sarah Jane Smith, _do not know what to do_.

You've got to play for time though, so you look up at the Trickster's faceless face,

"Then so be it." You say with steely resolve, daring him to try and make a comeback.

"So will Peter. And so will your son and your friends. You'll condemn them to remain here." Your head is shaking, patience and rational thinking have left you. "This place is nowhere. And it's forever." He vanishes into thin air after you give him no response. Fury and sadness are trembling inside of you, and you don't know what to do with it.

"Now do you see? Now do you see what he is?" You question Peter, eager to make him see your side.

"It doesn't matter! You _can_ save them, Luke and the others." Peter tells you, holding up that ring once more. A ring that was once filled with promises, now only offers you broken dreams. Forever happiness would be absolutely incredible, but you know that there's a part of you that will always want to live up to the Doctor's expectations. He would want you to find a way out of this.

So that's what you'll do.

* * *

><p>Peter has been pacing around you for the past ten minutes. In circles, nonetheless. You still have no clue on how you'll be getting out of this mess. Not yet, at least. Watching your fiancé in utter distress, has been painful to say the least.<p>

"We'll forget all this madness. You saw, we'll be married, we'll be together, Luke and the others, we can all go home." Peter is using temptation against you, and it's not an easy thing to turn down.

"Oh, it would be so easy." You smile at Peter, tilting your head to look at him better. The fire in his eyes about making you his wife has not died one single bit. "But that's how he works. That's his deadliest weapon - temptation. I'm not making that mistake again." An unwelcome memory of your parents pushes against the mental roadblock that you have set up… It hurts, but you don't relieve it.

"But you'd never know." Peter whispers, circling around you as if you were his prey to make a feast of. Your heart is pumping out an extra few beats, filled with fear.

"Peter, he wants me to stop defending Earth." You say gently, and the Doctor's face looking at you with such fear _for _you provides the strength that you need to continue.

"Please." Peter is begging you to marry him now. You can't… You won't give in…

The comforting sound of metallic thrumming fills the room, and you immediately snap your head towards it. Your entire being is filled with a pleasure at not being left behind, being the forgotten one in the shadows. The Doctor is here for _you_ and only you. The TARDIS appears in the room, surrounded by a sapphire blue light that flickers. You do the only logical thing you can think of.

You run towards it.

The door opens, and there is the Doctor, with a serious face filled to the brim with worry and calculating his next move. You know him well enough, though, to see the smile that is lighting his eyes.

"Sarah!" He calls out to you, a mixture of happiness and a grave seriousness in his voice that makes you want to squeal like a schoolgirl.

"Doctor?" You question in disbelief, even though you know you shouldn't really be surprised. To be honest, time has frozen and it's only you and him together in this room right now.

"Got to be quick. The TARDIS can't stabilize. Clyde's keeping the Trickster busy for the moment." Suddenly the Doctor's face transforms in a look of awe and wonder as he looks down at you. "Oh, those three are just brilliant." There's a burst of motherly pride, and a splash of surpassing the teacher pride that overtakes you for just a minute, before the seriousness of the situation sets in.

"Doctor, what can I do? If I say no, we're trapped here forever. If I say yes, I condemn the world to the Trickster! Either way I lose. There's no way out." Panic grips at you as you say the last bit of you're feeling. You're a young girl facing the Sontarins for the first time.

"It all rests with you, Sarah. Your greatest challenge, the hardest thing you'll ever face in your life." His voice is ominous, which terrifies you more than the Trickster's own threats.

"What is it? Tell me what I've got to do!" You shout, letting a new round of hysterics overtake you.

"You've fought the Trickster before, you know how he operates. How he can be defeated." His eyes flash over your shoulder. Suddenly images of your first best friend, and your parents, and what they did to help _you _and the world survive, flashes through your mind. You push them away, because that most certainly, is not what the Doctor is talking about.

"_But it is, Sarah Jane._" Maria's voice whispers to you.

"Oh, no. No." You answer them both, the Doctor and Maria. It's too painful to even think about letting your fiancé sacrifice himself to save the world. The Doctor doesn't even look at you. His eyes are still focused on Peter over your shoulder.

"I know you're a good man, Peter." He says in a voice that assures you, but also makes you feel every ounce of grief that you're sure to be feeling soon. "I'm so sorry."

You twirl your head from looking at your Doctor back to Peter. But then a young, teenage, boy's screams are coming from the front of the room.

Clyde and the Trickster appeared in the room. Joined at the hands, with the same flickering blue light that was surrounding the TARDIS. You were wondering what was going on, but your mother instincts are taking over. You are worried about Clyde, and you take a step forwards to protect him.

"Clyde!" You shout, desperate to make sure that your might-as-well-be-your-son is okay, _is even still alive_. Clyde lets go of the Trickster's hand, ignoring you, but the moment that happens, the Doctor screams over the chaos,

"I can't hold it!" The TARDIS door slams shut, and for a moment, your heart freezes. You can't even feel the reassuring thumps beating against your rib cage anymore. You're not even positive if you're still breathing anymore. All you care about is what is happening to the Doctor. Clyde, Peter, and the Trickster are just irrelevant now.

"Doctor!" You shriek at the dematerializing wooden box holding the one man you've always been in love with. He's gone within a second though, and you're suddenly in Aberdeen waiting for him to come back to you. There's a horrible sound behind you, as if a body has fallen to the ground… You turn around to see that your suspicions were right. Clyde is lying on his side, and you don't even know what to do for another second. Then your natural mothering side shines through, shocking you out of your numbness, and you full out sprint towards Clyde.

"Clyde, no!" You yell at the unconscious teenager. Your hands gently make sure that his neck isn't broken, and when you're sure, you turn around to see Peter staring at you. Your decision is made. "I do love you. But the Doctor's right, there is another way out."

"Do not listen to her lies." The Trickster weakly protests from the place he had landed after Clyde had let him go. Peter doesn't only look confused, you can almost _feel_ the confusion become tangible in the room. You stand up, forcing the tears that are threatening to pour down from your eyes back, focusing on Peter.

"Your accident. He can only talk to people who are about to die. He comes to them in that final moment, he gives them back their life."

"What do you mean?" Peter requests with a frown on his face. You wish that you could say anything other than the truth right now… But you have to save Clyde. Luke. Rani. Earth. _The Doctor_. You quickly put together an argument with a bit of information that you can recall from the last few days, while taking a step forwards.

"Clyde and Rani said your house was empty. Why did you never let me see your house?" You query, but you know the answer. You're being supremely gentle about this but it's a slap in the face to yourself. Because you definitely know what happened now. "You died in that accident, Peter. But he needed you, so he kept you half alive, and if we got married, the bargain would be complete! He would bring you back to life."

"Your love brought me back to life." Peter declares to you. His words aren't meant to be romantic, though they are, he means them as a matter of fact. As though it should have been obvious. "How can that be wrong, to save a life?" He does have a point, but you know that the Trickster means to kill off thousands of people, including the person he had brought back to life. You have no answer for Peter's question.

"Look at this." You say, moving towards Clyde. You gently put his head in your lap, holding him carefully. "This is what he'll do to millions of people! Unless…" You falter for a second. The Doctor's encouraging gaze that has been burned into your mind, is the only thing that keeps you going. "Unless you break your deal with him."

"But I'll lose _you_." Peter takes a knee on the opposite side of you, putting his palms on either side of your face. "I'll die! I don't want you to be alone." Peter's words immediately break down the barriers you had built to strictly not cry during this.

"I love you, but I can't love you. You said you'd do anything to save me. If you love me, you know what you have to do." It's cruel that you have to resort to these words, but you need Peter to rescue everyone you care about. His eyes lock onto yours, and you can't look away.

"No!" A very grating voice interrupts the last special moment you two will ever share. Peter glances at you one last time before standing up to face the Trickster.

"You got one thing exactly right. Sarah Jane and I, we were made for each other. We're the perfect match. And I know what she would do." You're frozen to the ground once more, not because you don't know what's going to happen, but because you know exactly what's going to happen. Looking at Peter, it's all you can do.

"I chose you because you didn't have the strength."

"You really don't know my Sarah Jane, do you? She gave me the strength! And I withdraw my agreement!" Peter shouts at the Trickster, looking and sounding incredibly strong. He is the bravest _human _man that you have ever met. Then he tosses the ring (your blimey wedding ring) at the Trickster, that immediately envelops the room in a bright white light that makes your eyes squeeze shut.

"No!" The Trickster calls out as he disappears.

A chiming echoes throughout the room.

There is no celebrating with Peter about his brave and heroic act. It's a terrible sound that will forever be imprinted in your ears. You look up at him, your legs have disconnected from your mind and you can't remember how to command them to get up off of the ground. In fact, you don't recall how to do anything with your heavy body at the moment. You're useless.

"So, here I go." You haven't known Peter for that long… But the fear is obvious in his voice. You wish you could take his place. "I wish I'd always known you."

"I love you, Peter." You whisper, still gazing upwards at him, giving him one last smile.

"And I love you…" Peter pauses for a second that might as well be eternity. "Sarah Jane Dalton." You choke on a sob that rips itself away from your throat. The one and only time you get to hear his last name attached to yours… He's _dying_ and you can't save him. Suddenly, your body remembers how to move your left arm, and slowly, you reach for him. He reaches for you too.

And then he's gone. Erased from the world.

Tears silently leave your eyes, effectively ruining the last traces of make up that you had applied that morning. Your body starts to shake, unable to process anything other than the fact that Peter is gone. The grief you had predicted earlier, is starting to eat your heart whole, and _there isn't anything that you can do_.

Dimly, you hear footsteps falling from outside the hallway. Footsteps that are pounding closer and closer towards you. You don't even look up until they are right in front of you. Luke is the first person to reach you, then Rani, but there's only one person you need at a time like this.

"Doctor. Oh, Doctor." A wobbly voice calls out into the silence, a voice that is so distraught, that you don't even recognize it as _yours_. The Doctor is suddenly right there, with both hands on your shoulders, holding you tightly. Completing you.

"My Sarah Jane." His words quickly mend a broken part of you. "You did it, the trap's broken, time's moving forward again. We're going home. Hold on!" The Doctor rationally explains everything to you, and you only register the words as soon as the winds tighten around you.

You don't lose consciousness this time around.

* * *

><p>The next few hours pass by in a blur. You don't remember how you managed to get home, or how you changed out of the wedding dress in the back of the limo. And then proceeded to throw it out the window, only to start crying once again. The minute you stepped in the door you headed upstairs to the attic, and didn't come back down.<p>

You're sitting on a the wooden stairs in the attic when you finally decide to speak.

"Mr. Smith, I need you." You say softly, while taking one step after another to get closer towards your computer. He complies, and you really wish that the Doctor was here to piece you back together.

"Welcome back, Sarah Jane." You nod in acknowledgement before you hear the stairs outside the door creak. You turn around to face the three people that have been keeping you from ripping out strands of your hair. Luke, Clyde, and Rani walk in one by one, and eye you cautiously.

"Mum, are you all right?" Your son asks you, obviously the ring leader of this mini-intervention thing that is happening. Every cell of you wants to scream and shout "no" with every ounce of anger that you have ever experienced in this life. You want Peter to be alive, you want the Doctor to be here with you… What you really want is to be a young girl again using her aunt's ID to sneak into a lab and meet the Doctor again for the first time.

"I'm going to be fine." You lie with a fake smile planted on your face. "I've got you, haven't I?"

"I can't believe the Doctor ran off like that." Luke says what the other two clearly don't want to say. She can see with her peripheral vision that they are giving her son identical looks of "why are you saying that out loud?" If she wasn't so hurt, she'd probably be saying the same thing.

"Sudden disappearing acts. That's him all over." You desperately want that to be a joke, but you know it's not. It's the truth, and that will always be a painful stinging that will never go away. The fake smile disappears, and for a second, you expose the heartbreaking agony that is taking place within you. Rani eyes you even more warily, and it's obvious that Clyde is looking for some light hearted thing to say. Luke, on the other hand, stares at you with no judgment. Your son's eyes hold only love and sympathy for you.

"Sarah Jane, escalation of temporal flux." Mr. Smith informs you with (even though he is in fact a Xylok) a careful, gentle, voice. The first thought that runs through your head is; _Mr. Smith must be malfunctioning. _It really is improbable, and unlikely, that an increase of the temporal flux would be happening so close by. You turn away from the teenagers, your family, and then stare at Mr. Smith with one eyebrow raised.

"Temporal flux escalating!" K-9 yells to you from his position by Clyde's feet. You know that your dog wasn't made to quip out jokes, or to be sarcastic, and that he is fiercely loyal… But you just can't let the hope that is bubbling inside of you, spill over the imaginary walls that it's contained in. You twirl away from your computer and towards the direction you can see K-9 pointing at with his nose.

The metallic thrumming you had been hoping for is echoing throughout the attic.

Your face breaks out into a genuine grin that only the Doctor could bring about, and your heart starts pounding at a mile per minute. It's pure excitement that is coursing throughout your veins now. Until it suddenly crashes with nervous fluttering about if you look okay, what he'll think of your house, or maybe if he'll offer to take you on one last trip throughout time and space and how you'll have to turn it down…

"Doctor!" You cry out joyfully, no longer confused about if this is really happening, or worried about anything that was running in your head a mere second ago. He's the Doctor, and you're Sarah Jane Smith, and you both have always fitted together in some awkward way that makes everything work out beautifully in the end.

The TARDIS door pulls open, and there he is with a smirk on his face, his hair that should really have a patent, and the trainers that give him a classic geek chic look to go with his usual attire of suits. But then he looks at you, with a playful frown he's reserving just for you, and chocolate eyes that are completely irresistible.

"What do you take me for, Sarah? I just thought I'd go the quick way. Ooh! I like it in here." He takes his eyes away from you to look at your attic. Your heart clenches just a tad more at his words of praise.

"Can we have a look?" Rani eagerly asks the Doctor who immediately focuses back onto the four of you. His eyes are smiling so brightly at you, that remind you of the X-tonic located on planet Midnight.

"What, in the TARDIS?" The Doctors face transforms into a badly over exaggerated frown, which is just the tiniest bit funny. Rani nods to him in reply. "My TARDIS?" He screams at all of you, and for a split-second, you believe that he really is angry with all of you. You can feel your own face, as well as Luke's, Rani's, and Clyde's, adopt an expression of hurt and confusion. "Course you can." He motions you all to come aboard with a quick tilt of his head, and stands aside.

It's just as you remember it. The giant columns standing tall over your head, the metal grating underneath your feet, the barely lingering smells of perfume. You can remember the time with Rose and Mickey clear as a whistle, and the time you all had operated the TARDIS efficiently and cooperatively even easier. Truthfully, you kind of miss seeing someone traveling with the Doctor, but you're not opposed to him being without a female companion.

There were countless nightmares of jealously that involved you and Rose fighting to the death for the Doctor after solving the mystery at the school.

You stand by the Doctor, a lazy smile on your face, watching your family take in the glory of the TARDIS for the first time.

"Oh, wow! It really is, isn't it? It's bigger on the inside." The Doctor mouths these words along with Clyde, smiling down at you, his hand just a few millimeters away from your own. You giggle quietly, so as not to alert the teenagers.

"It's beautiful." Rani declares, circling around the control seat. You have no disagreements with her there.

"_She's _beautiful." The Doctor corrects Rani under his breath, running a hand through his hair.

"Transcendental dimensions!" Luke breaths to himself, or maybe to Rani who apparently doesn't understand him. All three of them, silently meet each other at the controls. The Doctor and you also walk towards them as well.

"Wow, what does this do?" Clyde questions, putting his fingers this close towards the lever that you know for a fact, will start the whole process of time travel.

"Hey, don't touch." You reprimand in a mother's no nonsense tone. Clyde obediently moves his hands away, as the Doctor looks at you incredulously, but with a hint of restrained humor. Resisting the urge to stick your tongue out at him, you cross your arms back over your chest.

"You came all that way. For me." You tell the Doctor, asking a question that really isn't a question. You look up at him, eager to hear his answer because it really has been bugging you about how he had come at just the right time to save you.

"You're so important." He frowns at you, completely serious. "Not just to me." He says after a moment's pause. What you just heard was '_You're so important to me_.' Of course, you've always been overanalyzing his words since the moment you've met him. You don't care though. "The Trickster wanted to end your story. But it goes on. The things you've done, Sarah, they're pretty impressive, but, oh, the things you're going to do…" Time stands still, in that heartbeat, and you want to scream at him. You want to demand that he tell you about your personal life. Whether you ever find another human to settle down with, or if you ever become a grandma. Unfortunately, you know how the laws of time work, and that the Doctor would never tell you. That he would just smile coyly at you, and change the topic.

"The future. How about we could go for a ride?" Your son suddenly asks the Doctor, breaking the silence that had been created.

"Or back? To the dinosaurs, yeah?" Clyde throws in.

"Another planet?" Rani suggests to the Doctor.

Every part of you wants to scream yes, yes, yes! To go on a trip with the Doctor would mean the world to you. You would relish every second of it, never be angry at him, never doubt him; Just treasure him and what he means to you. You can see the Doctor giving you a pleading look from the corners of his eyes, and you're about to say yes when you remember…

"No way!" The Doctor's head snaps to look at you at your outburst. "For one thing, you were grounded by the Judoon," You ignore the questioning shock that appears on the Doctor's face he gives you, then the kids, and then back to you, "and your parents would never forgive me. Go on!" You shoo them to leave, and watch to make sure that they actually leave the TARDIS. They even exit in a single file, looking completely abashed.

"Grounded by the Judoon?" The Doctor smiles at you, keeping his hands in his pockets, now leaning against the console.

"An officer crashed on Earth… They didn't strike a good chord with him." You grin back at him, as if that's all the explanation he should need to understand.

He does. "Ah, Sarah. Those three…" He laughs, a perfect harmony of cellos. "A Judoon grounding them is the worst they'll have during their teenage years."

"Oh, thank you, Doctor." You groan, thinking of the future possibilities that could happen when they become adults. You both laugh once more, his cellos mixing together with your dainty peal of bells, that surround the large expanse around you. Only for a second though, before both of your laughs gradually dies into a silence that is filled with awkward tension.

"I'm sorry, I'm so sorry, Sarah." The Doctor apologizes to you quietly under his breath. You glance up at him, only to see that he is turned away from you and fiddling with the sonic screwdriver between his long nimble fingers.

The silence engulfs you once more.

"Don't apologize to me, Doctor." You whisper the first words that pop into your head. You surely don't want his sympathy for something that was never even his fault in the first place.

"Sarah…" His voice is hollow and empty. You can't decipher what he is trying to say now. It used to be so easy, when he regenerated into a brand new-still the same-man that you got along with so well. Now, now he's a different man that you can barely recognize with your eyes. The grief he's carried throughout his lives, have seem to have finally caught up with him.

You've always been so fantastic with words. Especially when you're in a life or death situation. Right now, at this moment, your power over words has disappeared with a certain companion that you know for a fact the Doctor is in love with. Even to this very second.

"I left her back with her mum. Her dad. _Her family_." The Doctor informs you, still not facing you. Your heart starts to continue it's beating, although it is now irregular with the lack of oxygen and the relief now pumping throughout your body. You nod in response, the gears in your head already grinding away to put the pieces together.

The results you come up with are heartbreaking. _He really left Rose on a parallel universe with a half human, half time lord, being?_ You don't want to ask him, really, because your own eyes are already filling with salty tears.

The world is blurring besides you, and before you know it, you've collided with the Doctor's back, and tightly hugging him as if you're life depended on it. It probably wouldn't have been the first time. The breaths you're taking now aren't calming, and it physically hurts to keep breathing. Your arms are screaming in agony from the strength you're using to squeeze the Doctor, to encompass him tighter towards you. There's nothing left in the world but you and him.

The tears are pouring freely now; you're not sure if they're for Peter, for the Doctor, for Rose, or for yourself.

"…Sarah?" A voice breaks through the mental block you had unconsciously constructed. Your eyes focus upwards onto him. The Doctor had somehow managed to turn around in your grip, and had placed both of his hands on your face. Under normal circumstances, you would gasp with shock at the physical contact that he himself had initiated. They aren't though, so they really don't have any effect on you in this hysterical state you're currently in. "We'll be okay."

Everything becomes hazy, and you don't believe him.

"That's a lie, isn't it?" You ask shakily, a laugh on the tip of your tongue.

His answering smile is a tad too bright. "No, of course not, Sarah!"

Somehow, this obvious lie, sets off obnoxious (possibly hysterical) laughter between the both of you once more. It's relieving to be able to let some of the stress out with the one person who knows you best. You're holding onto the TARDIS' controls with one hand, and your other arm wrapped around your waist. You glance up from the floor to see him scratching the back of his neck, looking quite awkward, and unsure of what to say next. It's unusual: he's always full of nonstop babble no matter what the occasion, and something about this just doesn't seem right.

"Doctor?" Your voice is unsure and quiet against the silence occupying the room. "What's going to happen now?"

"I… You know my rules, Sarah. I can't tell you about the future." He murmurs sadly before cautiously taking a few steps closer towards you. "I would if I could, Sarah. Believe me. But… Never mind. It's unimportant." He shakes it off with a laugh once more, but this time you don't feel like joining in.

"I'm serious, Doctor, what's going to happen? To you? Are you going to go find someone else to travel with you? Because believe me, this whole… _Charade_ doesn't fool me. You're trying to isolate yourself and that is not alright. You need to be with someone." You frown quickly at him to show your disapproval of his whole situation and then continue. "And what about me and my family Doctor? I won't just sit here passively and allow whatever happens, to happen. You should know me better than that by now." You finish off with a pointed look and cross your arms over your chest.

To his credit, the Doctor looks somewhat put in his place. Being cross with the Doctor is never a pleasant thing to experience, even if you have become somewhat used to this face now, it doesn't make your heart hurt any less. "I know Sarah, I don't expect you to." He approaches you cautiously, and then his hand is on your cheek, which makes you instantly relax into his touch. "But I'm afraid I really can't tell Sarah. You understand."

Unfortunately, you do. You grasp it all perfectly and there's really no room to doubt it. So without a response, you walk off to the farther reaches of the TARDIS. You quickly find all the places that the kids hadn't: the library, the pool, the attic. It's all there, in almost the exact same way as you remember it. But you're not rememorizing the halls alone, oh no, the Doctor is right there alongside you. He's content, to be traveling the slow pace you're taking at the moment apparently, because he's just as quiet and silent as you are. It's a rare moment that the two of you are in perfect sync since he's shown up as a new man to you.

You can't break out of the silence you've entrapped yourself with, you find out quickly as your long walk around the TARDIS is almost over. It would be too awkward for you to break it now, almost two hours later, since you decided to ignore all his attempts to bring back conversation. Before you know it, and it's clear that he doesn't expect it either, you're both back in the console room standing a few meters away from the doorway. You glance up at him, unexpectedly nervous, and start to pull at imaginary loose threads of your sleeves.

This is it, you realize. The last chance to make conversation with him before he flies away in his blue box, and you never know when you'll be able to see him again. It leaves a huge lump in your throat, as well as a stomach full of nerves. Oh well, better start the inevitable,

"Is this the last time I'm ever going to see you?" You force out of your throat: It's a soft and vulnerable question, and you're not quite positive if you're ready to hear the answer. His eyes become a darker shade of brown, and for a few seconds, he's silent as can be.

"I don't know." He replies. It's simple enough, but you're still looking for too much, expecting to be let down, and all you can think of is him waving goodbye for the last and absolute final time. The thought alone is enough to bring a cold tear sliding down your face. "I hope not." The Doctor's voice is colored with hope, and with those words your head lifts back up to see his reaction. He's got a smile on, and that's how you want to remember him. No more sadness, no more life or death decisions, it's not who you want to remember.

Except that's a part of him. The part that will always be there because he embraces it, and allows it to blossom within him because he's there to save everyone. Which is what you'll always love about him.

When you realize that you've thought the word 'love' in a present tense, you realize that it's most certainly time for you to make your goodbye. No matter how painful it may be.

"Goodbye, Doctor, until the next time!" You plaster a smile on your face quickly, while you eagerly place one foot behind the other to slide out of the TARDIS door immediately. The Doctor watches you with a strange, and incomprehensible look on his face. You're good at solving puzzles, but this is one code you'll never be able to decipher.

"Don't forget me, Sarah Jane." He says it in a way that doesn't sound rehearsed: As if he just thought of it, said it, and now maybe possibly regrets it.

The smile on your face isn't faked now. It's a slow, lazy smile that grows into a wide grin that is completely real. "No one's _ever_ going to forget you Doctor."

The Doctor gives you a tiny smile in return, and you know deep in your bones that he just doesn't believe it. With every last ounce of courage you possess, you dash over to him and press your lips against his cheek. His skin is warmer than you thought it would be and you regret nothing when you feel his smile grow wider. You pull away and in an instant, you're at the door, opening it. You give him one last smile and quickly step out of the TARDIS for possibly the last time.

The door shuts on its own as he and the TARDIS disappear into thin air. But if you know one thing, just _one thing_, it's that you'll see him again. You'll know that you'll be okay. That thought is the only thing on your mind while you dash down the stairs to find your family, a smile firmly planted on your face.

* * *

><p>AN: 'Tis not too terrible, is it guys? This is my first Doctor Who/Sarah Jane Adventures fic, and I reeeaaaaallllllyyyyy got into it. Like, I couldn't even write a Rose/10 for my first fic this affected me so bad. & then last week... Ohmygod last week. :'( So this is totally dedicated to Lis.

Hope you all like it as much as I did! I'm pretty sure I'm going to do an 11/Sarah fic based on Death of the Doctor (of course), would you all like that? :) Alright, hope you all are having a good day/night! ^_^


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